Yeh Dil Mange More with a Twist: Circa 1999

Author: 
Rakshat Hooja

Rakshat Hooja lives in Jaipur. In his late thirties, he is still trying to figure out what to do in life. Currently, he is working on a project to set up a community college in Jaipur. He loves watching sports and reading and discussing about politics.

Indian 1999 World Cup campaign was a near total disaster. India lost even to minnows Zimbabwe. Fans were demanding blood to flow on the streets. Indian Cricket Board was under tremendous pressure to act. Even the higher echelons of power pyramid were baying for change.

Cricket Board decided to make many changes including the Captain as well as the Manager.

To get some feedback Board directed the Chairman of the senior Selection Committee to get feedback particularly from Azhar, Tendulkar, Gaekwad, and Kapil Dev.

Naturally the members of the Selection panel were in attendance.

The transcript of the meeting was scooped by Sabse Tej. Read with a Heavy Heart.

AZHAR: I think the boys played well, blah blah blah! The boys were motivated, the boys blah blah! The boys will do it blah blah blah. The boys played well. The boys will do it.

TENDULKAR: Yeh Dil Mange More! Aila! Playing well is not good enough. We did not qualify even for the Semis. I am willing to apologise to the Nation on behalf of the team. We definitely have to improve. Yeh Dil Mange More!

LEGAL ADVISOR TO THE BOARD: Sunyeji, You simply can’t ask for More. Eating peacocks is a criminal activity with prison time of 8 years behind Zoo bars. Or appear in Monkey business TV ad. The choice is Yours.

(At this point the Chairman suddenly starts banging his head on the table. Everyone has puzzled looks on their faces. But no clue)

JADEJA (smiling): CLOSE UP ki hai zaroorat subhi ko! Close Up has salt too. The Smile will simply bamboozle the opposition. And gladden the hearts of the Fans. Prescribe Close Up for the team. Now! Then it won’t matter if we win or not. Anyway, I have to scoot off just in a while for a shoot with Madhuri later today. Sachin, am I looking good?

(At the end of this comment the Chairman once started banging his head. On the table. Sachin was heard saying Aila! Jadeja should start using Gillette razor for that extra close shave that women swoon for.)

Azharuddin with Sangeeta Bijlani

AZHAR: Boys, boys! In my experience ONE need to become the Captain of the Indian team before ONE could ‘net’ a real cool babe.

By now the Chairman had stopped banging his head and had started pulling his hair with his hands and started singing a song which went something like AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!)

CHAIRMAN (deciding that it was now time for the real boss to start talking): I think it’s time to recall Sidhu to the One Day squad.

MEMBER B: No! No! Last time Sidhu was in the team Board almost went bankrupt paying for all those drips that were administered to him.

 

Navjot Singh Sidhu hospitalised

 

MEMBER C: If Siddhu is playing cricket then who will do the ball-by-ball running commentary on Doordarshan?

MEMBER A: I think we should retire Khurasiya and Chopra. Nikhil, I mean. Chairman, Sir.

Geoffrey Boycott

MEMBER D: I think it’s time to consult our overseas consultant, Geoffrey Boycott. [Not Sir yet.]

CHAIRMAN: Welcome, Geoffrey. Let’s get you in.

GG BOYCOTT (Live via satellite from Yorkshire): It’s all ruubish. Forget Siddhu. The entire Indian team’s performance was ruubish. The way they bowled, my Momma could bowl better with her left hand. I will tell you what they need? They need to be put on a diet of Yorkshire pudding to increase their energy. Rest is all ruubish. That Mohanty! What Dibly Dobbly stuff! Oh man!

SACHIN: Boost is the Secret of my Energy.

KAPIL: Hey, OUR ENERGY.

 

Sachin Tendulkar and Kapil Dev in an advertisement for Boost

 

AZHAR: Shakti chai, Zabardast Shakti de.

(Meanwhile the Chairman was seen performing the following activities:
1) Tried choking himself with his bare hands.
2) Tried hanging himself with a rope, which proved to be no match for his superior weight.
3) Decided to jump off the balcony; only to realize that the meeting was being held on the ground floor.)

Debashish Mohanty

MEMBER A: You know Anshu, I heard that Mohanty is acting in a movie.

ANSHUMAN GAEKWAD [perks up on hearing his name]: Yes it’s a tragedy. The producer was inspired by the pained and anguished look on Mohanty’s face whenever his appeal was turned down, so he signed him up. From the dressing room. The movie is being named KUCH KUCH ROTA HAI. So I heard. What say, Ajay?

JADEJA: Movies! Thanks Anshu! That reminds me I am bloody late. Can’t afford to keep Madhuri waiting!! Why don't you all also come. Then all of YOU can admire my smile. Live! Maybe a few of you may also get some advertising contracts. But no deal with Madhuri. Eh!

 

Ajay Jadeja with Madhuri Dixit

 

PostScript: The Chairman decides to take the second lead in the movie "Kuch Kuch Rota Hai".

The entire nation sent him Greetings and Best Wishes. The movie was a roaring success.

Cricket waited for another disaster in '07 WC.

Comments

Laughed and laughed!

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